Steve Jobs on The Simpsons

Apple and its customers raised the image of their precious iPod to an almost Holy Grail status. However, one can always rely upon satire to chop down the lofty pedestal of the proud. The sharpest axe in American satire is also one of the most popular television series in U.S history - The Simpsons. Episode seven of season twenty, Mypods and Broomsticks, summarised the hubris of Steve and his customers in just three short acts. It begins as a Mapple (Apple) Store opens in town of Springfield. Lisa Simpson, the snooty liberal, easily fills the role as the perfect Mapple customer.

“It’s so sterile”, Lisa gasps with awe as she looks up at the glass palace emblazoned with the Mapple logo (the Apple logo with two bites rather than one).

Perched at the Braniac (Genius) Bar is an overweight pony-tailed geek, ComicBookGuy:

"My question is the following statement. Operating System 4.2 has sloppier architecture than a Tijuana ant hill."

Braniac: "Did you get peanut butter in your Ethernet cord again?"

ComicBookGuy: "No, I got mayonnaise in the CD drive."

Lisa's father, Homer, is staring with wonder at a row of glowing Cubes.

"I see you're admiring our MyCube. It's fuelled by dreams and powered by imagination," says a cool soul-patched sales rep.

Homer: “What does it do?"

Salesman: "You should ask yourself "What can I do for it?"

Homer is on his knees in front of the cube: "OK, what can I do for you? Please I'm begging you..."

Salesman: "Sir, it's not even turned on yet."

Homer: "But it's glowing."

Salesman: "That light confirms that it's off."

Lisa is at the retail bench: "I can't afford any of your products but can I buy some fake white ear buds so people will think I have a MyPod?"

Saleswoman: "Sure. Those are called MyPhonies. Oh... And they cost $40."

Lisa puts away her money: "Oh I'll never get a Mapple anything."

Local clown, Krusty walks through the store complaining: "I hate this MyPod. I can't watch movies on a screen this small and the music today... Don't get me started... Here kid, you take it.” He throws the Mypod to very grateful Lisa.

An announcement is heard on the Mapple store speakers: "Attention, Mapple Universe. Prepare for a live announcement from Mapple founder and Chief Imaginative Officer Steve Mobbs."

The crowd gasps:

"Steve Mobbs!"

"He's a genius!"

"He's like a god who knows what we want," exclaims one hipster goateed Mapple fan-boy.

Steve Mobbs appears on giant video screen. Rather than the resonant voice of God, Steve has a weasily lisp: "Greetings! It is I, your insanely great leader, Steve Mobbs. I'm speaking to you from Mapple headquarters, deep below the sea (a mythical narwhale swims in the background), with an announcement that will completely change the way you look at everything. (The crowd gasps and begin to pull money from their wallets.) And that announcement is-" 

Lisa's brother Bart plugs a microphone into the sound system and overides Mobbs' announcement:

"You're all losers! You think you're cool because you buy a five-hundred-dollar phone with a picture of a fruit on it? Well, guess what. They cost eight bucks to make and I pee on every one!"

The crowd drop their Mapple gadgets on the floor in disgust. 

Bart: "I have made a fortune off you chumps and I've invested it all in Microsoft. Now my boyfriend Bill Gates and I kiss each other on a pile of your money!" 

ComicBookGuy: "Traitor! Your heart is blacker than your turtleneck!" 

Inspired by Steve’s 1984 Mac commercial, the blubbering and disillusioned ComicBook Guy charges the screen with a large sledge hammer. He throws it in slow motion at Steve’s Big Brother video image.

Mapple Employee: "Who dares question the boss we fired ten years ago and then brought back?" 

Lisa:  "It was my brother, Bart!" 

Mapple Employee: "Flay him with your ear-buds! Flay him, I say!" 

All the Mapple staff take off their ear-buds, twirl them in the air medieval-style, and advance upon Bart. He backs up then spots and MyCube. Bart presses its button hoping for assistance

“MyCube, take me away”. The cube does nothing but display the current time and play the song, ”Lovin you is easy cos you’re beautiful.”

Bart escapes outside and complains, 

“Stupid angry mob chasin’ me because I shine a harsh light on modern society.”

The next day, a big beautiful box with the Mapple logo is home-delivered to Lisa. 

“It’s a gift from Mapple. Oh, such beautiful packaging! I never thought a company could be my soul-mate."

Inside is a bill the size of a Tolkien fantasy epic. The MyBill total is $1200. Lisa faints.  

Later, Lisa attempts to confront Steve about the MyBill. She is transported underwater in a giant USB stick. As it plugs into the side of Steve’s Bond-villain style underwater lair, a voice-over announces, “Welcome to Mapple headquarters, the cost of this journey will be added to your bill”.

Steve is surfing the net using a giant Minority Report-style multi-screen holographic computer. He is Googling his name to see how many results he can tally. “Yes! sixteen million results ”. An assistant enters, “Mr Mobbs, there’s a surface dweller here to see you, MyTunes member jazzgal62”  

Steve: “Mmm, oh, Lisa Simpson, send her in!” 

She walks in the with the brick sized bill.

Steve: “Lisa! Its insanely great to see you” 

Lisa: “Um, Mr Mobbs … I …sort of ..downloaded too many songs onto my MyPod. I don’t have the money to pay for them.” 

Tears well in her eyes.

Steve: “I’m sorry, I know our posters say ‘Think differently’ (finally Apple's bad grammar is corrected), but our real slogan is ‘No Refund’.” 

Lisa: “Can’t you open your Mapple menu and click on the compassion bar? oh please.” 

Steve: “Lisa, how would you like to work for Mapple?” 

Lisa: “Hah! Would I ever!”

The next shot shows Lisa dressed up as a giant disgruntled MyPod begging on a street corner for people to “Think Differently”.

This harsh dig at Steve was broadcast only ten months after he called The Simpsons Movie one of “the great films of the year” at Macworld. Later in the conference, the owner of the show, Fox Chairman, Paul Gianopulos, announced that “Homer’s on board” with Apple. Consider, if you will, that it takes less than ten months to create one episode. Despite plugging the show, Steve learnt that no one is immune from the sharp pencils of show’s writers.

In a wonderful example of the law of ‘six degrees of separation’, Lisa Simpson’s Grandmother was named after Steve’s sister, Mona. Her ex-husband, Richard Appel, was a writer for the series.[1]

The Unofficial Apple Website invited feedback from members about the episode. Note that these comments are written by Apple fans:

"Satire or not, the notion that think different is ultimately just a slogan is pretty dead on."

"Wow, probably the smartest, yet easiest to get, answer to the changes Apple underwent in the past years yet… Apple has become nothing more than a money loving company not listening to its customers anymore… overpriced and hyped by the best salesman known to man and sought after by an immense number of "want" customers."

"I was a pretty funny rip on Apple even for us fanboys."[2]

Nice to see fan-boys can laugh at  themselves.

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[1] McGee, C. (2010, July 28) Mona Simpson Writes For Crowds and Avoids Them. Washington Post. 

[2] Palmer, R. (2008, December 1)The Simpsons Take on Mapple. Tuaw.com. Retrieved from http://www.tuaw.com/2008/12/01/the-simpsons-take-on-mapple/

Steve Jobs can't change

It would have been neat to tell a lovely tale about a tyrant who finds redemption and becomes a family man - the repentant king returning to his rightful throne, surrounded by his lovely Queen and their children, delivering beautiful products to the plebs. The fable certainly has a pleasing arc of character. In another biography, Steve’s journey would hit all the right dramatic notes before finally clinching a cathartic moment, followed by a happy-ending. However, this is not that kind of biography.

Alan Deutschman’s The Second Coming of Steve Jobs reveals that Steve’s new found lightness of heart was mere spin delivered to the press to appease nervous shareholders when he returned to Apple. Alan based his best seller on a hundred interviews with people close to Steve. It’s one of the half dozen well-regarded books about the man. Alan declares that the tyrant has not redeemed himself at all. His book is a damning portrayal tempered by a begrudging sympathy for the devil.  Alan’s theory is that the new Steve is the same old Steve that bullied his Mac team into nervous breakdowns. Alan is a contributing editor for Vanity Fair who comes across in interviews as the guy who has the hot gossip on Steve. Occasionally his statements are backed by cited sources, most are not. Some of his details are suspect. For example, Steve would never own a dull Mercedes 240D. Firstly, he would take exception to the foul smell of diesel. Secondly, he certainly wouldn’t drive a sedan. The ostentatious young single millionaire would more likely be flying around in a coupe – probably a 380SL roadster. Discrepancies aside, Second Coming throws a dark shadow on Steve’s idea of himself as the corporate Zen master who listens to his acolytes with a newfound calm.

Alan wrote that Mona confided to journalist Lisa Picarelle that her novel about Steve had left Steve feeling betrayed and her book had ended her close relationship with her brother. Any fellow adoptee would have seen through Steve’s claim that he wasn’t upset about it. It conflicts with the wider experience of many adoptees. Reunion stories are rife with examples of over-sensitive parties who react badly to any sign of betrayal - let alone a tell-all book.  

Alan’s claims have been backed by other people. Long-time Apple commentator, Leander Kahney of Wired Magazine wrote that when Steve came back to Apple, he resumed his habit of parking his Mercedes in the handicapped zone. Unidentified staff expressed their indignation by converting the zone’s wheelchair symbol into a Mercedes logo. The most daring employees slipped notes under his windshield wiper stating: “Park Different.”  A decade after his return, Leander reported that nothing had changed since Steve’s second coming:

At most companies, the red-faced, tyrannical boss is an outdated archetype, a caricature from the life of Dagwood. Not at Apple. Whereas the rest of the tech industry may motivate employees with carrots, Jobs is known as an inveterate stick man. Even the most favored employee could find themselves on the receiving end of a tirade. Insiders have a term for it: the "hero-sh..thead roller coaster." Says Edward Eigerman, a former Apple engineer, "More than anywhere else I've worked before or since, there's a lot of concern about being fired."[1]

An admirer of Steve, Intel Chairman Andy Grove, once said, "Steve will always be Steve. The only thing that will change is that he will lose some more of his hair".[2]

How did Steve react to Alan's harsh indictment that he is a domineering bear with a sore head? He made an angry phone call to the chief executive of the book's publisher to bitch about what he called Alan’s "hatchet job" and advised him not to publish it or else.[3] The prosecutions rests.

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[1] Kahney, L. (2008, March 18) How Apple Got Everything Right By Doing Everything Wrong. Wired Magazine.

[2] Schlender, B. (1998, November 9) The Three Faces Of Steve. Fortune Magazine.

[3] Norr, H. (2000, October 10) 'Second Coming' Attempts to Decode Steve Jobs / Pixar, Apple honcho analyzed by his peers. San Francisco Chronicle.

Steve Jobs: A Regular Guy

His mother, Clara finally passed away in 1986 after a long and painful battle with cancer. When an adoptive parent dies, adoptees often endure the same loss that they felt when they were abandoned as an infant. They may try to deal with the trauma by getting to know the family they lost before they were adopted. Steve was thrilled that his newfound bio sister, Mona, was an author. He saw himself in Mona in a way that was impossible with Patti, the sister who grew up with him.[1] Steve promoted Mona’s writing to his influential acquaintances and colleagues. She rewarded him by writing a scathing expose about Steve called A Regular Guy. To capitalise on her long-lost famous brother, the book exposed stories about Steve’s' sex life. Worst of all, it revealed details about Lisa - his first daughter. Mona changed the names and sold the book as fiction, but the world knew better. Did he feel betrayed? "Of course not," he says dismissively to a shocked New York Times journalist, "It's a novel. About twenty-five per-cent of it is totally me, right down to the mannerisms, and I'm certainly not telling you which twenty-five per-cent…We're family. She's one of my best friends in the world. I call her and talk to her every couple of days”.[2] Steve doesn’t talk about his birthfather. Abdulfattah "John" Jandali, born in Syria, is described by Fortune Magazine as,

A charming, promising academic, Jandali later abandoned his wife and four-year-old daughter, moving from job to job as a political science professor before leaving academe. Now 76, he works as food and beverage director at the Boomtown Hotel & Casino near Reno. Mona Simpson's novel, "The Lost Father," is based on her quest to find him.[3]

Steve says that he invites his birthmother, Joanne, to some of his family gatherings.  He seems grateful for her decision to give him up. "There was never any acrimony between us," he says. Here is another unusual reaction for an adoptee. Often they harbour a deep resentment that hides behind our rational adult personas. The New York Times journalist writes, “The effect of all this on Jobs seems to be a certain sense of calming fatalism — less urgency to control his immediate environment and a greater trust that life’s outcomes are, to a certain degree, wired in the genes.” The New York Times is the perfect conduit for Steve to spread the good word about his shiny new image. The paper is acutely aware that they are Steve’s favourite.  This may explain why so much of this blog was lifted from the popular daily. The New York Times enjoys a privilege coveted by in the mainstream circles of the press favourite – a title that can be snatched away if the wrong story came out. The article makes him sound like a recovering alcoholic reciting the serenity prayer. Steve confesses, ''I trust people more." Apparently, these new calmer waters flowed into Steve’s work-life as well. Steve explained to Fortune Magazine that he’s discovered the centre of the universe, and it’s not him:

When I have to take people out of their jobs, it's harder for me now. Much harder. I do it because that's my job. But when I look at people when this happens, I also think of them as being 5 years old. And I think that person could be me coming home to tell my wife and kids that I just got laid off, or that could be one of my kids in twenty years. I never took it so personally before. [4]

So, Steve still fired people; he just felt bad about it. His employee, Pamela Kerwin, backed up Steve's new press released image. She recalls how Steve used to deal with staff: ''After the first three words out of your mouth, he'd interrupt you and say, 'Okay, here's how I see things.' It isn't like that anymore. He listens a lot more, and he's more relaxed, more mature”.[5]  

Perhaps looking into the eyes of his child has humbled the tyrant. Little by little, he was getting to know Lisa, the daughter he never mentions in any interviews. Steve invited her into his life when she was a teenager. Lisa spent her adolescence living with him. He encouraged her to study writing like her aunt Mona. After graduating from Harvard, Lisa began a humble career as a writer. Her essays are nothing short of poetry. She seems untouched by the cynicism you would expect considering her father refused to recognise her for so long.  Her unpretentious savouring of life’s every morsel is breathtaking. Perhaps it’s a reflection of Steve finally deciding to be a part of her life. His redemption lives between the lines of Lisa's beautiful prose.

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[1] Deutschman, A. (2000) The Second Coming of Steve Jobs. New York: Broadway.

[2] Lohr, S. (1997, January 12). Creating Jobs. New York Times.

[3] Elkind, P. (2008 March 5) The Trouble With Steve Jobs. Fortune Magazine.

[4] Schlender, B. (1998, November 9) The Three Faces Of Steve. Fortune Magazine.

[5] Lohr, S. (1997, January 12). Creating Jobs. New York Times.